WILD Beauty Treatments

So we had terrible storms in Memphis this weekend. Flooding, destruction abounded. They even had to evacuate the Memphis prison and move the inmates to an undisclosed location (this to me was scarier than any storm, by the way).

If you live in an area that has any wild life, you know that the critters start to get restless right before a storm. They want to take cover, just like you.  However, I was petrified when I went to open the back door of our casa to let my Morky, Quigley, out. A four-foot snake was inches from the door! GROSS.  After taking a picture (hands quivering) and posting on facebook, I learned it was a corn snake. Not poisonous, but loves to eat rodents (and maybe pocket-sized dogs).

Right after my snake encounter, I read an interesting article in the British Marie Claire about beauty treatments a little too close to nature.

Snake massage at Ada Barak’s Snake Spa in northern Israel.The low down: Up to six non-venomous snakes are used to help lower stress levels and ease muscle aches for clients at this snake farm.

My take: How the hell can this be relaxing? It would be like choosing to be cast in a snake pit. No thanks.

Nightingale poo facial at the Diamond Hawaii Resort & Spa in Maui

The low down: A favorite with geishas in days gone by, dried and purified nightingale droppings are mixed with clay or bran to help lighten and brighten skin.

My take: I’ve actually heard a lot about this and I think I would give it a try if I were at the Diamond. The droppings are dried and pulverized in such a way that there is no smell. It’s a better solution than the lead-filled makeup the geishas used to apply to lighten skin. Plus, there is nothing more natural, right?

Bull-Semen hair conditioning treatment at Hari’s hair salon in Knightsbridge, London

The lowdown: Organic, high-protein conditioner comes courtesy of a herd of thoroughbred Aberdeen Angus bulls in Cheshire.

My take: I know you are going to be grossed out, but I would try it. Um, having visited the chic surroundings of Knightsbridge a few times, I may just try anything they suggested. Plus my hair is beyond weak. However, I draw the line when it comes to eating bull semen, which is considered a delicacy in certain countries (I remember I was mortified when Cindy Crawford ate this on House of Style back in the day).

Full-Body Fish Nibbling at The Sampuoton Spa in Selangor, Malaysia.

The low-down: Sticking your feet into a tub full of flesh-nibbling fish and calling it a pedicure is old news. But here, the garra rufa (small fish in the carp family, which feed on dead skin cells) are used for full-immersion purposes. The process is simple: you lounge in a heated pool for about an hour—as long as you’re not ticklish—while swarms of “nibble fish” snack away at rough spots and deep-clean your pores. While feeding, the nibbling fish also reportedly exude an enzyme that slows the return of skin problems like acne.

My take: I may try the fish pedi, but no way would I immerse my body in a tub full of them. Back, mini piranhas!! Plus, do you get your own fish and then they retire after they exfoliate you? If not, does that mean I would use fish that just exfoliated someone else?

I’m sure you’ve heard of some wacky beauty rituals (some that work and some—not so much). I’d love to hear about them. Have a beautiful week and as always, keep counting.